Just. Don't. Jumping a pool does not work.

I was wading through the vast wasteland that is the internet when I stumbled across a man of some description, presumably he had testicles, who was going to attempt to jump his swimming pool. If I need to tell you the rest of this story you clearly do not visit the internet very much let alone send postcards of your trip to Japan where you went to a strip club but quickly realised it wasn't THAT kind of strip club but you couldn't leave because that may seem impolite. Anyway, the guy almost makes it... with one leg... while the other is swallowed by the pool. And those testicles I assumed he had are now cursing the day his daddy's sperm said "No Y chromosome you first. You've earned that egg!"

This has happened far too much, do people really see things that clearly hurt and then decide to go try out said thing as a manly gesture to try and court a female?

Do they think that this one time everything will be alright?

Are people just dumb?

I guess we'll have to go with the second question and answer yes, yes they are.

Take, for example, the amount of people who routinely drive dangerously. Be it by speeding, not indicating (I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO DON'T INDICATE!) and the like. They know full well that people die on the road everyday. So why risk it? I hear you ask. Well I hope you have a good apology because I'm getting to that and you shouldn't just jump ahead as that can ruin the whole dynamic of our relationship. They risk it because speed is good. It feels good and makes you feel like a man! (We even named a movie after it "The speed that made you feel like a man")

Some people believe that education is the key, that's why some people are sentenced to traffic school or whatever. To educate them. Does it work? I'm going to go with a resounding no.

If we see bad or terrible things happen this does not cause us to suddenly decide we would rather not partake in that particular activity. Take Air Crash Investigations, a television show whose M.O. is basically "LOOK HOW HORRIBLY YOU CAN DIE IN A PLAN CRASH!!!!!!".

People still fly in plans.

Look at 16 and pregnant.

Young girls still get knocked up.

Look at Jersey Shore.

People are still douchbags.

I guess it comes down to a personal thing where you can look at yourself in a mirror and say "That's not me. I'm cool!" and believe it. And this is why people keep trying, and failing to jump swimming pools. Because they want to be cool too.

Scratch that!

Last week I mentioned about false advertising.. Well here I am again to bitch even more about it.. After realising that the only way for me to make a shit load of cash in the next four seconds was to buy a scratchie..
Once purchasing a dollar scratchie (Which cost me $1.15 - Work that fucken riddle out) I read the simple heading:
"Scratch and Win"
Fuck me! This is in the bag..
My body bloated up with hope (which turned out to be gas) but I knew, my life was about to change..
As I scratched that mispriced piece of paper I came to realise that scratch me happy was a scam!
Just like the mintie fiasco I had been sucked in!
So to all you cats who look to "Satan Scratchies" for a quick way out, think again..

P.S Why is there always two fucken $500,000 and never three! Bastards!

Love Scene xxxx

Absolute Gold!!

OMFG!!! (Osma Macho Freedom Gurana)

This site is simply the greatest!! Totes forgotten about by the rest of the world but to those that make it great it will remain just that..... simply..... great!!

So while I sit here and try desperately to load Android on my shitty HTC Elf with all the meager might of a dolphin removed for the sea to the Sahara desert. I have to wonder, Why is it so dam cold?!

Well it's been great but must pop back to it. Will be back to rue the day on the morrow, twinkle toes out!!

Tutorial 2 - It's moments like these..

I have had some shit happen in my life where i just hung my head and thought to myself - What the fuck?! Fucked up stuff with work, friends, girls you name it..
Everytime one of these "moments" has occured I have immediately craved a mintie.. According to the infamous "Jeremy", 'It's moments like these you need minties'.
So if you're ever in the middle of a crap sandwich wrapped in cling wrap, smash a mintie and all will become.. Fresh? Chewy?

How does that help?

I have a shit day, I smash a mintie and expect to win the lottery or something. Instead I get a sore fucken jaw from the teflon those white bastards are made of..

Sure they taste alright after you've writhed in pain from the incisor that popped out and you swallowed. But a good tasting white block of cement doesn't really solve the problem of the issue at hand. Unless of course that tooth you have been having trouble with gets ripped out from that white block of metal.

False advertising is rampid in todays society and I say enough is enough!
If I ever meet 'Jeremy' I will be giving him the "Scene Combo" which consists of a super swift head but followed by a knuckle sandwhich straight to the throat.. After Jeremy recieves this beating i'll casually toss him a mintie and ask if that fucken helps?

Then ill throw one at his temple and see if that helps too?

Doubt it..

Draw that on a fucken packet bitch..

Have a shit one..

Love Scene xxxx

More stuff a comming!

Back to it. Decided to re-invigorate the blog and post regularly again. Hope it goes swimmingly and is a bit better proof read than before. Pretty sure my grammar just sucked. Anyway....

So... Religion.

You're good, you go to heaven and live the good life (um, unlife?).
You're bad, you go to hell and become very unstable and constantly trip over so you keep getting new carpet burns and the old ones still haven't healed so the new ones just kind of compound on the old ones and they really hurt a lot and never stop bleeding (I have an odd vision of hell).
You're something else you go to purgatory and get really bored.

BUT...

Bible folks and the bible itself specifically states that Satan = bad. There's a few stories in that jumble of prose that have God and Satan squaring off in a battle of wits, most notably the book of Job. This story basically has Satan being all "I'ma do all this stuff to that guy Job who loves you lots and he'll stop loving you, TAKE THAT GOD!" And then God being all "Nuh-ah, Job will always love me cause he reckons I'm da shit. That's right Satan, he thinks I'm so good he doesn't even use real words when saying it."

Job's family dies, he got some gnarly diseases, lost all his money. All the while still thinking God was a top bloke. Presumably because Job was a puppy.

Anyway, my point is; If Satan is a bad guy, why is being evil and then being sent to hell such a bad thing? I'm a good guy, but lets say I wasn't and I went to hell. Wouldn't Satan be all, "Hey, guy. It's great to meet you, let's look back over your life." Then we sit down and watch a huge plasma or something with an HD-DVD of my life on it (Because HD-DVD went to hell right?). At some point I'd turn to Satan and say, "Damn! i totally killed that guy." Then we high five? If I have the same ideals as him, why would he want to torture and maim me?

Shouldn't Christians and the like be teaching that Satan is an employee of God who does the punishing?

Jimmy G.

P.S. more to come, just cause I forgot about the blog for awhile doesn't mean I'll... um... need deodorant and matches.

Tutorial 1 - Deros.. AKA - Douche bags..

After discussing with a good friend of mine how embarrassing "Deros" are to society we came up with a list of indicators to allow you to know when you have a douche bag (dero) in your grasps..

1) Wears a hat all the time - even inside..
2) Owns an old Holden Commodore..
3) Spends all their doll payments to do up the "car"..
4) Insists on having no shirt on to show off their bad tattoos..
5) Are 25 and still on the red P's..
6) Works for a trolley collection company..
7) Smokes because it's cool..
8) Walk around in packs (Of other deros) discussing the mammoth chick they had sex with last week (But she had big boobs)..
9) Drinks alcohol out of a paper bag (Classic cool) =/
10) Gets their 14 year old girlfriend to buy them things..
11) Wears a hoodie even in summer..
12) Steals red bulls from Woolies and brags about it..
13) Hasn't cut their hair in 3 years..
14) Can't read..
15) Didn't finish school..
16) Insists on mumbling every time they talk..
17) In any type of gang.. eg, The AGD (The Absolute Gay Deros) - Any Acronym (Spastics)
18) Decides not to brush their teeth because it will affect the taste of the beer they're having for breakfast..
19) Does weed constantly in their parents garage while playing Sega (Because Xbox is to expensive)..

Now if you see one of these people in the street.. Here's a few simple tips on how to deal with the situation..

1) Notify them of there dilemma - You're a fucken dero!

2) Help them by giving them tips - Get a job you fucken spastic!

3) And another tip - Brush your teeth pelican head!

4) Give them an uplifting comment - You look like a dead rat!

5) Round it up with a positive comment - Good job on not showering! You smell like a rhinoceros's sweat gland!

These are just loose ideas on what to say but if you follow that structure you're definitely moving in the right direction..
Also never hold back from slapping them in the face..
Domination..

Stay tuned for Tutorial 2..

Love Scene..

xxx

Language - Lengua- Langue - Sprache - Lingua

Language or depending on what country your from, one of the above.. Yes they all say language.. SO.. Why doesn't the world have one standard language? It´s a known fact that English is the dominant language throughout the world but definately not the most spoken.. The English speaking countries like Australia, America and England pride themselves on their English and are well aware that English allows them to travel pretty much everywhere in the world without major hassles.. However other countries whose first language is not English are forced to learn English in order to communicate with the amount of tourists that come to their country.. Even tourists whose first language isn´t English still learn it to communicate in other countries as they are aware that most people do speak English.. So instead of recieving a big mac instead of a McFlurry everytime i go to maccas around the world why not make it so everyone speaks the same fucking language.. Is it that hard? I heard romours of a global language not long ago but rumours have since died.. The possibilities are endless with a global language and I would love it to happen.. To be able to talk to anyone in the world with ease would be an amazing step for human kind.. Throughout History the nations of the world have not always worked together but i feel that some recent events have showed that countries are beginning to understand the importance of helping each other.. I am experiencing it everyday while travelling through various countries that have all joined the EU.. The EU´s idea was just like mine.. They had a vision of conforming and one of the major ways that this occured was through currency.. Each country had a different currency which made it fucking annoying for everyone who travelled in to each country.. A standard curency makes it easier and more helpful to everyone who lives in the EU.. Not only the currency but also the option of moving around the EU with ease.. Anyone with an EU passport is able to travel in and out of countries in the EU with ease and is able to live and work in these countries.. So now i wonder if the next step is to make a language for everyone.. I think that it will happen and the EU will be the first to make the giant step in the history of the world.. Of course there will be people fighting against it but it has to, and will happen..
Anyways just a thought and a 5 minute session on what I think the world must do..
Talk soon..
Love Always..
Scene xxx