...Until the handle breaks off and you have to get a doctor to pull it out again!

For some reason, a few days ago, I woke up with a sore calf muscle. Not sore enough to warrant a full on limp, just enough to be annoying and to look like I'm drunk while I stagger around with less than sure footing. It got me thinking, these are the injuries that plague our society.

Case 1: My calf - If you have these kind of injuries you lose a lot of your time keeping ability as the time taken to walk from one place to another is greatly increased. Thus resulting in a lower social standing and ridicule. You could play the sympathy vote and put your leg in a leg brace but then you'll just have a bunch of kids chase you with their bikes, throwing rocks at you, and as you run the braces miraculously come off and you find you're incredibly fast and later in life get a football scholarship even though you don't really know anything about the game.

Case 2: Stubbed Toe - Let's say you're milling around with your "mates" and you suddenly, unexpectedly, brutally stubbed your toes on the curb. This will cause you to jump around like some kind of spastic leaving you friendless and depressed. On the other hand, your friends may be incredibly impressed at your knowledge of a dance from one of the more obscure eastern European countries. This will leave you ridiculed, friendless and depressed.

Case 3: Ingrown toenail - Ah, the lazy mans injury. Don't cut your toenails for however long, go to hospital, and get time off work... sounds like a pretty sweet deal actually, just don't show your toes to anyone as children will run screaming, dames will faint at the hideous sight and the sight of your toe by an expecting woman WILL cause deformity in the fetus, and mild retardation in the expecting mother.

These kind of injuries are, to say the least, annoying, and generally leave you with people, mainly your "friends" calling you a pussy or Belgian. So please, think of the unborn fetuses and just stay indoors when you are afflicted with anything resembling the cases we have studied today. You'll feel better as you can go on deceiving yourself, and continue to think you have "friends".

On the note of the title, I hoped that turning the subtitles on would clue me in on what Garth was actually saying while the plane was flying over, but no. Nothing.