"Wake up Jeff" the Re-write

I was recently thinking about that song "Wake up Jeff" and, seriously, the Wiggles make so much damn noise to try and get Jeff to wake up, and they say they need him for the show. I think the thrill of life on the road got to him and he's not asleep at all, but passed out from a major methamphetamine overdose and that's why he's not getting up. Let's look at the second verse in detail.

Dorothy the dinosaur is munching on some roses
Wags the Dog is digging up bones
Henry the Octopus is dancing round in circles
Wake up Jeff; we need you for the show

First off, they even have their pet dinosaur so smacked up on drugs it feels it necessary to eat the sex organs of plants, I guess she thinks the thorns are special pleasure places that actually give you pleasure but trick you into thinking they're painful. In my opinion she's on a really bad trip.

Henry the octopus has taken a little too much speed, I think, and for some reason needs to be running around and around and around and, well, you get the idea. At least he won't need a stomach pump because he'll throw up first.

Wags the dog seems to be the straight shooter doing regular dog things, playing with bones, either that or he had too much acid and murdered a poor passer by when he thought it was a giant apple come to destroy his soul. Well, wags, shame on you.

And Jeff is still passed out due to his complete lack of control. And the rest of the wiggles claim they need him for the show, They seem to be doing a pretty good job without him, singing a song about waking him up, They should retitle it. "Fuck off Jeff" And kick him out of the band. I've even gone to the trouble of rewriting the lyrics for them, I'll show you the original first.

Wake up Jeff, written and performed by The Wiggles

CHORUS
Wake up, Jeff, everybody's wiggling
Wake up, Jeff, we really need you
Wake up, Jeff, you're missing all the fun now
Wake up, Jeff, before the days through

What's that sound?, I can hear somebody snoring
What's that sound?, its not Murray or Greg
Anthony's awake, so lets have another guess now
Oh my goodness, it must be Jeff

CHORUS

Dorothy the dinosaur is munching on some roses
Wags the Dog is digging up bones
Henry the Octopus is dancing round in circles
Wake up Jeff; we need you for the show

And the new way

Fuck off Jeff, written By Jimmy G and performed by The Wiggles minus Jeff

CHORUS
Fuck off Jeff, your just a junkie
Fuck off Jeff, No one needs you
Fuck off Jeff, you've had too much fun now
Fuck off Jeff, before you die and we need to write a song about how you overdosed and even the heart paddle thingy couldn't bring you back to life!

What's that sound? I can hear somebody snorting.
What's the sound? We're all dry today.
Who stole our drugs, let's take a guess now.
Oh fuck, Jeff's passed out in his own vomit again.

CHORUS

Dorothy's high and fucking some roses
Wags the dog is hiding the evidence
Henry the octopus is hopped up on pep pills.
Fuck off, Jeff. We really fucking hate you.

I've even come up with a new film clip, It entails them (The Wiggles) trying to get Jeff into rehab but it doesn't work and Jeff escapes and goes on a huge drug binge and O.D's, and at this point the rest of the crew really have had enough, and, while on the next tour, throw Jeff out of the moving tour bus, off a cliff, into some pointy rocks, that somehow catch fire!

That's got fucking music awards written all over it!

But, seriously, I really hope Jeff gets clean.

YOU CAN DO IT JEFF!